More books, please

A supervisor of a community based project once asked me what I thought “community matters” meant. I responded to him saying that I didn’t know because I never felt like I was part of a community. Not in my hometown, not in the city, not at school, and not in my mosque.

In fact, I felt safer in Pakistan, in Dubai, and in Iraq, where I could’ve been shot point-blank on sight for being Shi’a, than I did in my very own mosque here in the West. Have you ever heard a Muslim say that they didn’t feel safe in their mosque? Well, you just did. And it’s unfortunate that I feel this way.

I told him that I expected a community to be something where people exchange talents. Where I could lend my talents to the community and in return, be fed knowledge to build a foundation for myself so one day I could become a leader in that community. Unfortunately, I haven’t been accepted for who I am in the “community” I’m coerced to be affiliated with.

When I walk into my mosque, I feel like I’m not looked at as an intelligent female who can become a leader. I’m judged by how I look rather than what I say. It may not be true but I feel this way because I have to wear and look a certain way at mosque so that I don’t embarrass my family. I’m a simple girl, but I have meet the standards for clothes, hair, makeup, jewellery etc.

In war zones, Shi’a die for other Shi’a. In the mosques here, I can’t even reach into my brother/sister’s pocket, take their wallet and pull out $5 without being questioned. If any Shi’a were to go in another Shia’s wallet and pull out a thousand dollars, there should be no questions except “do you need more?”. This is because we are not just brothers and sisters, we are each other’s souls. We have to be ready to die for each other, and that mentality is rare here and now.

I don’t know what “community matters” means because I don’t feel like I belong to any community. I don’t feel like anyone here would die for their brother/sister. I feel more accepted and safer in a war zone than in my mosque - at least there’s love in a war zone.